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flimflamglamour's journal
What i miss was the past you. I was still living in that world which seems so surreal, still in the midst of finding my own self back yet ocassionally fallen into the preys of thoughts. And then as usual, i'll end up in the state of getting mindfucked and being all disoriented and going on a massive rampage of emotions. Sorry friends, sorry for the rants and being all depressed. Its been 3 months and i still dont know why im holding on..holding on to what?! ( that i dont seem to know). Yes, ive been repeatedly telling myself to move on because disappointments happen. I hate disappointments, i hate you. I hate how i am just a lifeline to you..when you need me you'll come and then you go as you please. You've not change a single bit. Still immature, still playful as ever. Hey dude, wake up and stop treating girls as your play thing, stop being superficial and acting all mr.nicey cus that disgust me. But yeh everything, the past, was just nothing more than just a memory. Because the bad outweighed the good, i've lose my trust in you. I'll still pray that one day you'll realise who's impt to you and please treat that girl right or someone else will. Because im too tired, i give up this hopeless dream. I give up on you, be happy <3
Picture credits to Linshan and Quanwei. Just last week we were happily snapping class photos, how time flies and two weeks later will be prelims. Idk why but i think im sinking into depression mode or something. Everything just fall apart (or rather crash cause it was kinda abrupt) and seriously its all fucked up straight from the heart. Shall not elaborate on the story but ya whatever im the bitch okay, period. At least i did what i felt i shld do so now's your turn to question yourself if you ever harbour those thoughts. Search yourself. And yes you're the winner babe because sympathy is always at your side. Just watch me burn and die kay tyvm but nonetheless you've given me a happy memory and i love you for that. And that was genuine lest y'all think im being all sarcastic or hypocritical. Time is the essence now to heal all wounds and to create memories and i kinda angree with A that an overboard pursuit of happiness will cause self destruction. So today i took a break from school (sick) and had some alone time at my crib. In fact i like being alone. Alone but not lonely, geddit? When im alone, matured thoughts start to surface and i'll ponder ' wouldn't it be nice if everything was happy/peaceful?' Im sick of the melodramatic, to be honest and very tired of going through routine and being me. Sometimes i feel so fustrated i want to vent all anger out but at the expense of spoiling people's mood? No. And i dont lke being judged, really. Doesnt mean i look wild on the outside actually means that im all liberal and crazy right. I dont play with people's hearts anymore, ive grew past that immaturity stage and playing is just for the childish. Wait, and for the deprived. Wont y'all just believe me? I know how it feels to be played, been through that and still in the midst of recovery. So spare a thought for me and stop judging cause im not perfect either. Being happy on the outside doesn't mean im free of worries. Im just trying to put the unhappiness behind me. I wished i could be more confident and strong, i underestimated myself. Everyon deserves to be happy and i'll still stick to this phrase- ' those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind '.
Just gna stand there and watch me burn. Well that's alright because i like the way it hurts. Just gna stand there and hear me cry,
well that's alright because i love the way you lie. Cause today, that's yesterday. Yesterday's over, its a different day. Sounds like broken record playing over. And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine. When it comes to love, we're all blinded.
